Thursday, September 18, 2014

for your amusement, an old (silly) story about my husband and a dog named spike.

another old story for your amusement:
James does odd jobs. The latest job was the oddest of all: he had taken employment from spike, the 40 lb. beagle.Oh, James didn't know whom he would be working for at first. He naively believed that he would be doing housework, light repair jobs, etc. and believed he may need to walk a dog or two, but little did he realize he would be heeding spike the dog's commands. James and I went over to meet spike and his companion, Sally the Dalmatian, and they were just as nice as could be in front of their humans. I did notice that spike was rolling his eyes just a bit. Apparently he was mildly disgusted at the mere idea of having someone in the house while his mistress was away, but decided he would soon put a stop to this nonsense. Maybe he figured the money spent on James could be put to better uses, like buying himself better snacks, or more frequent treats. I did mention that he weighed 40 lbs., right?  The day came when poor James had to report to work. Sally and spike met him at the door barking loudly. James responded by talking to them nicely and continued to enter the house. He gave Sally a nice leathery treat, which she took and went to her room. You could tell that she sort felt she was selling out, but a treat is a treat, so she decided to let it go. Spike was more determined to put James out, so James whipped out an especially nice doggy biscuit. Spike took it, but you have never seen a dog so torn. Part of him wanted to attack and dislodge this unwelcome guest, but the greed was more that he could bear.                                                      He felt so guilty, that after consuming his treat, he decided to double up his efforts and began to snarl and snap. James didn't want to push his luck, so Spike got another treat. Spike realized that he was on to something. James proceeded to clean spike's home. Spike proceeded to follow him about the place inspecting every detail of work, flinging insults and criticism at every turn. When Spike's comments turned particularly nasty, he accepted another yet another, and then another treat that would placate him. Finally, James had to remove an old air conditioner from the basement. Now, spike had had just about enough. He already had to stand by while James had pillaged and plundered about the whole house, but removing this possibly valuable item was more than he was willing to stand for. He lunged at James' leg. Fortunately, a box of dry cat food was handy and James scattered it about the floor. Being a neat and tidy dog, spike was compelled to call off the attack and clean up every piece giving James just enough time to drag the thing outside to safety. Spike hurled several rude comments through the screen door expressing his extreme displeasure at this unfortunate turn of events. He decided to fire James on the spot and perhaps even sue him. Sally had joined him by now, having finished her chewy goody, and while she was not having much to say, she snubbed James wholeheartedly by refusing to make eye contact no matter how much he tried to get on her good side.James was sort of relieved that spike fired him. Spike is too hard to please and probably should just save his money for better snacks and treats. After all, he only weighs 40 lbs.